The True Value of Big Families: What Money Can't Buy

The Cost of Raising a Large Family in the United States

The decision to have a large family is often driven by more than just financial considerations. Rep. Blake Moore, a father of four from Utah, believes that no amount of economic incentive can encourage a couple to have a child. This sentiment is echoed by many parents who have children in numbers ranging from four to seven. For them, the choice is rooted in emotional or spiritual reasons rather than financial gain.

However, the financial reality of raising a child in the U.S. is impossible to ignore. The average annual cost of raising a child has climbed to $21,681, and over 18 years, this adds up to approximately $389,000 per child. The cost varies significantly depending on location. In Massachusetts, for example, it costs nearly $36,000 per year to raise a child, while in Mississippi, it’s less than half that amount. Over 18 years, this results in a staggering $439,000 difference between states.

For families like Tanya Hardaker’s in Jacksonville, Florida, with seven children, every dollar counts. Despite a single income exceeding $200,000, Hardaker says they must be "extremely thrifty" to manage their large family. This includes reusing clothing, selling hand-me-downs at church, and opting for camping trips instead of luxury vacations. School meal programs help keep food costs manageable during the school year.

Creative Budgeting and Lifestyle Adjustments

Big family parents often become experts in creative budgeting. Cooking in batches, buying in bulk, and avoiding impulse purchases are common strategies. Some, like financial planner Daniel Forbes, use credit-card alerts to avoid overspending. Others, such as the Sia family, adopt alternative lifestyles, living in an RV, homeschooling, and saving up for a move to a less expensive state to support their large family goals.

Despite these efforts, child care remains one of the biggest expenses after housing. In some states, child care costs consume nearly 30% of a median family’s income. Only 14% of eligible families receive federal child care subsidies, forcing many to make difficult choices between work and caregiving. One Albuquerque mother of five described her situation: “We’re poor.” Her family’s $50,000 income barely covers rent and food, leaving little room for extras or retirement savings.

Rethinking Family Size and Birth Rates

Given these challenges, many Americans are reconsidering the size of their families. The U.S. birth rate is at an all-time low, and even initiatives like baby bonuses or higher tax credits have failed to spark a baby boom. Experts note that even in countries with generous child benefits, birth rates remain low. Economist Melissa S. Kearney warns that falling birth rates pose real problems for individuals, families, and nations, particularly as societies age and become increasingly childless.

For those who do choose to have large families, the motivation is rarely financial. Most describe their decision in religious or emotional terms—calling it a "calling," a source of happiness, or "another jewel in my crown." While there are sacrifices, such as fewer distant vacations and more compact homes, many find the rewards worth it. Rachel Greszler, a mother of six, says, “It’s messy. It’s loud. But it’s fun, and it’s great, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

The Stress of Parenting and the Need for Support

Parenting, especially with multiple children, comes with its own set of challenges. Nearly half of parents report feeling overwhelmed most days, compared to just a quarter of other adults. Financial stress, time pressures, and concerns about children’s futures weigh heavily. The U.S. Surgeon General has identified parental stress as a public health issue, linking it directly to children's well-being. Children often mirror their parents’ stress, affecting their behavior, mood, and sleep patterns.

Support systems are crucial for managing this stress. Professionals recommend building a strong support group, whether through friendships with other parents, trading babysitting duties, or simply having someone to talk to. Small self-care rituals, such as short walks, deep breathing exercises, or spending a few minutes playing with a child each day, can also help reduce tension. Spontaneity, too, can be a valuable tool—keeping a separate fund for school trips or unexpected expenses can prevent families from depleting emergency savings.

Finding What Works for Your Family

For parents who desire a large family, the best advice may be to focus on what matters most to them. As Tanya Hardaker puts it, “We’ve done what’s best for us.” Whether that means living modestly, relying on community support, or redefining success, the path is unique to each family. While no policy or tax deduction can make the decision for you, understanding the real costs and joys of raising a large family can help guide your choices. Ultimately, the goal is to create a life that feels fulfilling and sustainable for everyone involved.