My Family Excluded Me From My Brother's Engagement—Here's How I Took Revenge

A Family Celebration Turned Into a Major Conflict

Family gatherings are supposed to be times of joy and unity, but they can also bring hidden tensions to the surface. In one particularly painful case, a man found himself completely excluded from his own brother’s engagement, leading to a dramatic and emotional response that left everyone reeling.

The man, who is 28 years old, has a twin brother. Growing up, the two were inseparable, sharing almost every moment of their childhood. He describes himself as more of a shy, nerdy person, while his brother was an extrovert who played sports throughout high school. Despite their differences, they spent most of their time together. When college came, they went their separate ways—his brother stayed in Arizona, while he moved to Portland for school. After graduating, he decided to stay in Portland because of the city, his friends, and professional opportunities.

He always made it a point to return home for holidays, birthdays, and other family events. When his brother announced his engagement on Instagram, he was genuinely happy and sent a message of congratulations. His brother mentioned they were planning an engagement party in a few weeks, and the man asked if he could come. However, no date was ever given. Whenever he or others in the family brought it up, the subject was quickly changed or dismissed with vague answers like "it's still being planned."

After a few weeks, he reached out again to ask about the date, explaining that he didn’t want to pay for a last-minute flight. There was no response. He then asked his mother for details, and she said it wasn't really an engagement party, just a small dinner with family. There was no need for him to come. But eventually, he found out that the event was actually a large gathering at a restaurant with around 80 guests. Everyone had been told he couldn’t attend.

His aunt, who had been like a second mother to him, even expressed disappointment that he couldn’t make it. He replied that he would have loved to join, but he hadn’t been invited. Word of his exclusion spread, and his parents and brother tried to downplay it, calling it a misunderstanding.

That incident happened over a year ago, and since then, the man has tried to understand why he wasn’t invited. The excuses shifted from "it was just a small gathering" to "there must have been a miscommunication," and finally to "it's just a party, it's no big deal." He even asked his brother if he was angry with him, wondering if his fiancée didn’t like him. If that were the case, why did his parents go along with it? It didn’t seem like them at all.

The Christmas after the event was awkward, as no one wanted to address what had happened. Conversations felt like small talk with strangers. Later, when he visited for his sister’s birthday, he left early after she said, “You moved so far away. It’s like you’re not really family anymore. You make everything feel so weird now.”

Nine months before the wedding, he received a Save the Date, and six months later, an invitation. He wasn’t asked to be part of the wedding party, which he accepted without surprise. His sister and younger brother were included, another sign of exclusion. He also didn’t get a +1 for his girlfriend, while his sister got one for her friend. At this point, he realized he wasn’t welcome and that he was probably only invited for show. He didn’t RSVP and didn’t attend the wedding.

As the ceremony approached, he started getting calls and texts asking where he was, if his flight was delayed, and how far along he was. He ignored them. During the ceremony, the calls stopped, but resumed afterward. Eventually, he picked up his mother’s call and she screamed, “Where the hell are you?” He replied, “In Portland, where you all prefer me to be.” She responded, “This is your brother’s wedding, how could you embarrass us?” He answered, “It’s just a party. It’s no big deal, right?” That was the first time his mother was speechless. After a pause, he said, “Tell everyone I said hi,” and hung up.

Now, he’s receiving messages from everyone saying he was being petty and ruined the day. He feels like he’s just matching their energy and letting go of the rope.

Reactions From Others

Many people supported his decision, pointing out that his sister gave a clear clue about how the family felt. Some questioned why the family didn’t reach out when he missed the rehearsal dinner, or why they didn’t contact him earlier to find out why he hadn’t RSVP’d. Others pointed out that the family made a choice to exclude him and hoped he would stay quiet. When he didn’t, they turned on him, which some saw as textbook manipulation.

However, not everyone agreed. Some suggested that he might have done something to cause the family to turn against him. Others argued that he should have considered others’ feelings and put their needs above his own.

Ultimately, the situation highlights how complicated family dynamics can become when emotions and expectations collide. Whether or not the man was in the wrong, the experience left a lasting impact on him and his relationships.